Anne's Writing World

Being a teacher makes me weak sometimes. Deeply, I want to be powerful and strong in my voice. To make some changes, to do something good and to contribute my strength. It seems to be far from the reality. I always want to be a fighter for women right/power, for human rights and for children. In the school, you do the same things day after day, nothing changes. When you want to do something different, you will first face the obstacles inside the school system. Or you will feel lazy because all the irritating paperwork. I know I can do something or be someone as a teacher. However, the  bureaucracy  kills me. 

I've waited for many months to watch Coco. I'm addicted to its theme song, Remember Me. It was so catchy and touches my heart. It also reminds me of my dear father. I can hear my father singing the same song to me. The movie is about he passing people who are also the important part of one's family. I miss my dad very much. I hope he knew that and he will be proud of me. I hope he can know my husband and hold my baby. He would be a wonderful grandfather. I hope to meet him one day.  See you, Papa. "Remember me Though I have to say goodbye Remember me Don't let it make you cry For even if I'm far away I hold you in my heart I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart Remember me Though I have to travel far Remember me Each time you hear a sad guitar Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be Until you're in my arms again Remember me..."

Following the event few days ago, we had a strange relationship. After two apologies, he didn't talk to me much. Every time he said something to me was only about our son or house chords or something about the coming schedule. He didn't shared his thoughts, which was not a bad thing because I had enough about his complaints on works. We slept separately. The following day, I left him with Kimi. Yesterday, I slept with Kimi. But we all slept well. I loved sleeping with my baby, however he wet his bed again. It's time to change his diaper to a bigger size. I'm not sure when he will hold me or kiss me again. I will wait. We didn't have much sex since I gave birth to my son. I believe intimacy is important between couples. For him, it seems not important anymore. Maybe its because of my body shape or the tiring works, he has less interests in me. Well, with this conflict, I think I have to wait for a longer time. It's ok. At least, I feel better. We seem to be...

Today I start writing. I hope I can make a habit of it. There are some reasons- to improve my writing skills, to clean my thoughts and to examine myself. The truth is... I have no one to talk to. I've been impatient and reluctant in this relationship after my son's birth.We are married and known each other for seven years. Is ''seven year itch'' a real thing? I still love him, but we don't have that bond and communication anymore. (Mostly is to listen him to complain about his job and colleagues over and over again, or what to eat today and tomorrow.)  This morning, starting with an early alarm clock (about 4:50), my 16-month son, Kimi was whining and awake. I was reading and I rushed to the bedroom to put him into sleep. But he didn't. He was totally awake. After couples of minutes, Kimi didn't want to sleep. He wanted to get up. I was angry about the alarm clock.I got up and turned on all the lights in order to wake the man next to me. My  husb...